Sylvanian Families.... The Rodents That Had To Go!
Sylvanian Families were a huge part of play in many households throughout the country in the 90s and loved by kids everywhere. They were little cute toys, little mice, little rabbits and even little pigs.... ahhh they were cuties! But don’t be fooled by these little figures, they were evil and they were planning world domination with a super race of mixed animals! Again, we bring you exclusive access to the inside story! Because we're weird!
VeryHappypig wants to let you know that we're here for you! Always believe a pig, just not on Sundays or Tuesdays or Mondays or Wednesdays or Saturdays or Fridays or Thursdays, other than those days, we tell nothing but the truth!
|
Robbing Car Badges!? What The Hell Was That All About!
Remember back in the day when you would be sitting in class and the hardest of the hard, the lad that ate steel nails for breakfast and would always be late for class, would walk in, as scruffy as hell, holding the badge off a car which he decided to steal for no reason what’s so ever other than to get his popularity status up!
VeryHappyPig really did want to be popular but just couldn’t fit in with all those human kids! The called me terrible names like pinkie, piggy, and curly! I was scared for my life!
|
Barbie... The Truth Behind The Plastic Exterior!
If you had sister or even a brother that liked dolls, you know what a Barbie doll is.... Basically, it’s the perfect doll.... Long blonde hair, perfect figure, great boobies, and she had every career under the sun including being a doctor, dentist, space astronaut.... but, believe it or not, the creator of Barbie actually made her as a lady of the night and that’s a true fact! Behind that perfect plastic exterior hides a dark, dark secret!
VeryHappyPig is shocked by this story! Shocked! See ladies, never trust a man, always date a Pig, they're loyal and when the die they taste great!
|
Crab Fishing! The Holiday Favourite!
Now we all know, if you want to go crab fishing these days, you can just go down to your local nightclub. But crab fishing was a holiday experience in the years past and you wouldn’t have to go to your local GP to get a cream for it afterwards! When VHP was a lad, he used to go around the coasts and piers of West Ireland and catch the little hard-shelled sea freaks! Now, maybe not everyone did this but there’s time yet and I would urge everyone to try it before your days are numbered!
VeryHappyPig is going to get a crab drunk and not get crabs when he is drunk! I'll have to remember which one is which!
|
Line-Dancing.... Very Weird Or Just Plain Wrong?!
Back when the country was a nice happy rock, there was a weird dance craze that blasted into Ireland.... and that was the very pornographic, tight-jean wearing, weird shirt, cowboy hat on, freaky dance called line-dancing! God, it was awful.... but some people did make a whole lot of money out of teaching others how to dance like rednecks, so fair play!!
VeryHappyPig was World Line-Dancing Champion 1987 to 1995 but was disqualified when a loop-hole in the line-dancing laws made it impossible for pigs to be Line Dancing Champions! I cried for two years! God I miss the Yeeee Haaa days !!
|
Kiss Chasing.... The Hard Facts!
Ah yes, we all probably experienced our first kiss during this school yard game! The concept of the game was fairly simple, chase the best looking girl in the yard and give her a sloppy kiss and you win the game! Imagine playing that now in a nightclub.... Swear I’m going to try it!!
VeryHappyPig is always here to provide you with the most useless and sometimes untrue information possible, also known as Piggy Facts! Oh and did I mention I’m a very Ham-dsome Piggy!
|
The Dreaded Nettle Sting! Everyone Hates These Little Gimps!!
Remember running around in your little shorts, playing some sort of chasing game, and running by a plot of green and suddenly it strikes! A pain like a thousand needles under your nails which stops you in your tracks and you hit the ground like a pig falling out of a plane at 1000ft! Braving the tears away, you would tell your friends you have to go home and you would spend the next 2 hours roaring into your pillow!
VeryHappyPig got one to many nettle stings and cried for too many hours to ever like these horrid awful creations!
|
“Bambi” The Real Story.... What Happened When He Grew Up!!
Bambi is a 1942 animated feature produced by Walt Disney and originally released to theatres by RKO Radio Pictures on August 13, 1942. The fifth animated feature in the Disney animated features canon, the film is based on the 1923 book Bambi, A Life in the Woods by Austrian author Felix Salten..
VeryHappyPig paid €54billion for this story, just to keep you informed of what really goes on behind the scenes! See, everything isn't always well in Paradise!
|
If You Hear The Cutlery Drawer Rumbling... Go Running!
Now this was a favourite for all loving mothers as a form of mental and physical torture! If you were being bold or gave cheek or even dared to talk back to your mother, you would want to go running if you heard the cutlery drawer opening and the dreaded “WOODEN SPOON” would come out. Holy Sh*t when you hear that being taken out of the drawer start running and don’t stop because trust me when you get a belt of one of these solid unforgiving spoons, it hurts like hell!
VeryHappyPig says don’t mothers have very weird minds, like, doesn't this class as child abuse! If I wasn’t 78-years-old, I'd ring Child-line.... come to think of I'm going to do it! Oh crap, I hear the drawer rumbling.... I'm going running and quick, who knows when I'll be back!
|
Ah Yes, The Old Can On The Back Tyre Of The Bike Trick!
Before adult and kids alike were in a virtual world with PS3’s and Wii’s and every other type of electronic gadget that’s keeping the world indoors, there was a small but ground-breaking invention called the bicycle. It was basically a steel frame, 2 big wheels and a chain, some of you might even remember them!
VeryHappyPig has terrible memories of the 1987 massacre, when I sounded like a tin wistle for months after it!
|